When we first decided that we wanted to adopt, ethics wasn't even a thought. We knew we wanted a baby, adoption agencies could make that happen, end of story, right?
Honestly, we didn't even interview the agency before we chose them. A family at church had used them and so we went with that. I think in the grand scheme of things, that office does a good job. There are other agencies that are not good. No matter what.
During our adoption process I joined an online message forum that is all about adoption. I've talked to lots of other adoptive parents, birth moms (first moms) and adoptees. Their stories and experiences have helped to educate me in the world of adoption. My eyes have been opened to what a horribly unethical industry adoption can be if left unchecked.
This week one of the ladies posted a link to this place: Adoptions First
Without even calling or clicking further in to there website, I see about 10 things wrong with this place. It is places like these that make me never want to adopt again! Offering a shopping spree & tour of LA in exchange for your baby?! Seriously?? Yep, they are very serious.
Another lady called them as a perspective birthmom, to find out more information about the place. I was floored at the treatment she got from them.
1. They wanted to fly her to LA when she would be 36 weeks pregnant.
2. She was told she only get 24 hours in the hospital, and that would be her only time with her baby prior to placement. Many agencies allow the mom to take the baby home to finalize her decision. This agency told her that would be to hard on the adoptive parents.
3. She would be taken straight from the hospital to her paid for apartment to sign her parental rights away. No time to fully consider the weight of what she is doing.
4. She mentioned that having all of her expenses paid would put alot of pressure on her to place. The woman from the agency said "oh there is EXTRAORDINARY pressure to place! Absolutely!"
It sickens me to think of how many times they do this to women. If someone is making the decision to place her baby, she should have the support and freedom to explore all of her options.
But see here's the thing. Places like this will stay in business as long as people keep using them.
If you're looking to adopt, ask the agency questions. Lots of questions about how the mothers of these babies are treated. Are they given all the information possible about their ability to parent? Are they made to feel pressure because of expenses being paid? Are they allowed as much time as needed with THEIR baby before signing TPR? Ask what percentage of women who come to them actually place. The higher the number, the more sirens you should be hearing.
Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem in most cases. Even if they have gone to the agency, chosen an adoptive family and given birth, this baby is still hers. She can still decide that she can parent after all. She should never be coerced into giving her baby up if that's not what she wants to do.
2 comments:
Kelly, this is such a sad situation. If these agencies are enticing women from other areas, it means they are making big money in selling babies. They are running a business, not providing a service in their area. Adoption should be all about matching children with families ...non-profit all the way. That was one of the few good things about going through our county all those years ago, they could waive the fees based on ability to pay. Praying for your family!
Places like you describe are not only grossly unethical, but also illegal. These places are what a person who gave a speech at a seminar called 'baby mills for the desperate.' These are the places that destroy birthmothers. They should be banned. Shame on them.
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