Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I have been neglecting this blog, and not sure if anyone even reads it anymore.
Maybe I'm posting this more for myself than anyone who might happen upon it. I just feel the need to get all of this out.
My Dad went home to be with the Lord on Sunday, January 24, 2010 at 6:30pm PST.
He had been in the hospital for almost a month, had gone through a couple of angiograms and a quadruple bypass surgery. The doctors were optimistic about his recovery even though it was slow. He was scheduled to be moved to a nursing facility the following day to begin physical therapy and build his strength back. He was even telling my oldest sister that he wanted her to break him out of the hospital. He was a fighter to the very end.
We're told that he went quickly from a final massive heart attack.
Over the last two weeks I have been reflecting on the man who I called Dad. He had his faults and I don't intend to gloss over those, however his strengths seems to outweigh the bad.
I learned about unconditional love from this man. Throughout my life, despite my failures he was always supportive. When I would get down on myself, he would remind me that all need to learn from our mistakes and it's just part of life.
He always took an interest in what I was interested at the time. He was always happy to share his passion for sports, gardening, music and especially Bible Study with me. I could call him and talk about anything, everything and nothing for hours.
I remember during my first real relationship at the age of 17, I was trying to figure out if I wanted to end it. I asked him for advice and all he would say is that I needed to figure out if I could live with the bad for the rest of my life. On the other hand, he encouraged me to consider living without the good as well. I later found out that he had no use the boyfriend, but didn't want that to sway me. He knew I would resent him if I ended the relationship solely because of his opinions.
I knew that no matter what, he would be there for me. Just about everything he did in his 70 years of life, was for his family.
He loved to garden and gave me an appreciation for fresh fruits and veggies. I remember sitting on the back porch eating pomegranates with him. We didn't need to talk, we just ate.
When I was raising goats, pigs & rabbits for 4H, he fed and watered in the morning for me. Knowing that at the time I was not a morning person. He built countless fences and pens over the years and I never heard him complain about the work involved.
Once I was grown and married, anytime I came over to visit he had a pot of coffee ready. He would remember how I took my coffee and happily served me before we'd sit down to talk.
He had one of those distinctive laughs and great sense of humor. No matter what, he was always smiling or laughing. We were even joking around the day of his angiogram. That was just Dad.
The hardest part about losing him, is that I have always been a Daddy's Girl. My mom says from day 1 I preferred my Dad. He has been such a big part of who I am. Moving out of state was the hardest decision I made, because of moving away from him. I know that as we grow up, we aren't supposed to need our parents as much. And in many ways that was true for me. But I always knew he was there. I could call him and just chat anytime I wanted. I could hop on a plane and see him if I so desired. I was a Daddy's girl. Now he's not there.
I am beyond grateful that I have comfort in the fact that he was a Christian. I know he is no longer in pain, and in the glory of eternity. He has no more pain, sadness or fear. My loss is for myself, not him.
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