I remember so clearly the period of time when we chose to put our new little family in God's Hands.
We hadn't been married six months yet. 19 & 20 years old, we felt a personal conviction about birth control & knew we wanted kids. We discussed it and decided to just stop using any form of BC. I remember offering a silent prayer, telling God that my future kids were in His hands and His timing.
I just had no idea what I was saying. Really, I figured it would be a matter of months before I could start telling people that we were expecting. That's how it goes, right? '
I just had no idea the journey that silent prayer would lead me through.
My sweet boy is nearing his second birthday and I said that prayer 11 years ago. We've seen infertility, more tests that I care to think about, a hysterectomy, loans, caseworkers, adoption, court, judges, papers, papers and even more papers!!
Our marriage and at times my own faith, has been pushed to certain limits.
I just had no idea the decisions we would face. Do we want to remain childless? Should we try fertility treatments? What about adoption; domestic, international, foster?
During all of this though, I can look back and see God's amazing Hand guiding our path. Whispering into our souls and comforting when there were no words to be spoken.
I just had no idea how many tears would fall when I put my life in God's hands. Somehow, I naively thought it would be easier than this.
Yet, as we are getting ready to embark on yet another adventure to bring our next child home, I feel so secure. I know that He is right here with us. I know that He has a perfect plan for our lives. Sure, to us it looks messy, painful and hard. But since when is my point of view the one that matters?
Every step we have taken has shaped who I am and the deep faith I have gained. I wouldn't trade it for all the tears I've cried.
4 comments:
Kelly, that was beautiful. And so much of it reflects my own feelings. You are a beautiful woman and I know you must be an awesome mother.
And yes, we only grow through struggle. I don't like it either. But I would not trade the pain away for the growth.
hi! this is beautiful. isn't it wonderful that He is right here with us even when we don't even know exactly where we are?!
we just brought home our little boy from uganda and it has been the most wonderfully faith-driven time in our lives.
blessings to you!
Beautifully expressed. It's amazing to watch God change us individually as He changes our family. I hope I'm able to be just as calm when we start #2.
So it's been a while since I've read any blogs...
you have such a sweet story of God's grace. God will use you and your husband and Nathan through this. I pray that God sends you Baby #2 in HIS perfect timing.
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