Journey to my baby

It's almost 5 am, and I've been awake for 3 hours now...

Shortly before Nathan came into my life, sleep doesn't always happen in one long shift. He's been sleeping through the night for over a year now, Praise the Lord!

I remember a little less than two years ago, waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. I would toss & turn and then finally get up. I hate just lying in bed awake. Friends would joke that I was in the final stages of "pregnancy" and that my baby was waking me up. Ironically, my baby was in the final stages of his mama's pregnancy.

I also remember thinking about him all the time. Granted, I didn't even know if he exsisted yet, or whether he was a he. But, thoughts of a baby, my baby, would crash from my mind to my heart. I would start crying randomly throughout my day.

I realized while sitting here, reading blogs adoption, that I'm doing it again. Who knows, maybe the cooler weather makes me long to snuggle with a tiny little person.

Sitting here, listening to the rain, I wonder about my baby. How old is he/she? Has he/she even been conceived yet? What will he/she look like? How much pain will line my road to get that baby?

I've been thinking about decorating the front bedroom, just to be ready. I bought a baby monitor... for Nathan? haha

There are so many uncertainties both financially and with my health, but my faith is unwavering where this little one is concerned. Oh sure, I had my moment of fear, but I know God will bring me another little one to love.