I have alot to work through, and I guess I will start by blogging a little. Forgive me if I ramble.
I just finished reading The Shack. It was hard to get through, I'll be honest. I won't say a whole lot about the book, in case anyone plans to read it. But, like the back cover indicates, the youngest daughter in a family is kidnapped and brutally murdered. Thankfully, they don't go into any detail of the murder.
Ever since a small child, around age 3, I remember having a fear of being kidnapped. Why? Who knows... I remember laying awake in bed long into the night, afraid to sleep. I was sure that there was a man under my bed, waiting for me to sleep so that he could steal me. The only concrete thing I can look to, is Adam Walsh was kidnapped and killed when I was only 2.
Now that I am an adult, I am terrified of Nathan being kidnapped. I kept him in our room at night for his first 3 months, because I hated the idea of him being too far from me. I didn't put him in the church nursery until late summer, for the same reason. When I would go the store, I would freak if people came too close. There was one time in particular, that I was at Target with my friend Katie. I was wearing Nathan in my sling, and a sweet grandma came over, started talking to Nathan & stroked his face. It took all my strength not freak out right then & there. I've had an unusual amount of strangers offer to hold Nathan for me. All of whom, I assumed to be child killers. Yes, even the sweet old grandma.
The book deals a lot with why God doesn't stop the abuse of innocent children, our views of God & forgiving those who commit evil against us. I totally get that God has given the human race the choice between Good & Evil. That is why horrible things happen to us and those we love. For God to force Himself on us, or stop us from following our free will, would be against the choice He gave us. (I know I could have said that better, but my mind is just not working right.)
I have always wondered if I could forgive a person for killing my child. I pray everyday that I will never have the opportunity to find out. In this book, the main character had to make that journey.
I am praying that God would reveal the source of my fear. I really believe that if you can find the root, the plant can be removed. Right now, I can't even process all that the rest of the book deals with. I may have to re-read it someday.
4 comments:
Wow, now you have me intrigued about that book.
As for your concerns...not wanting people to come too close to your baby, not trusting...it's an instinctive reaction for a mom to want to protect her baby.
One day I was holding gummi and a lady started to walk toward us and extended her arm to touch him. As she came closer I started to turn him away from her, almost giving my back to her.........I didn't want her touching him. She barely got to touch the sleeve of his shirt. My first thought was "she just came out of the hospital, she has germs". And gummi's just my godchild!!!! What can I say? That's my little man.
And plus, I didn't know her. I didn't know what were her intentions for wanting to touch my little baby. So even as a godmom I get protective of my little one too.
With all the horrible stories we hear it only makes us more worried about the dangers out there. I'm not sure what else to tell you other than in some way I know how you feel. Because I feel the same way about gummi.
Hugs,
Lory
(((HUGS))) Mama! I have dealt with some deep rooted issues concerning fear myself. I totally understand what you are saying and will agree in prayer with you that the Lord will break these heavy chains!
A good friend of mine just finished The Shack and lost her grandma all int he same day. I've never read it, but friends were commenting to her that it is emotion overload.
If you need to talk, I'm here Kel!!!
Kelly,
First I am so sorry I haven't called you back. I promise to try and do that tomorrow. I miss you my friend!
Second, it is funny what we fixate on. I remember you telling me once that someone told you that people might think you were stealing N and you completely undressed him and memorized everything about him. At the time I didn't give it much thought, but soon after, it hit me that it COULD happen. Now, I find myself sometimes wondering if people will think I have kidnapped M.E. I shutter at the thought.
I, too, have read the Shack. I thought it was a great work of fiction, but find it disheartening that people are making bible studies, etc. out of it. People are searching to fill that hole in their heart with anything but the truth.
In reality, God is in control. All the time. I don't understand why things happen the way they do. I often wonder why I struggle with migraines, why some people wait for placements while others get a call the same day they are officially waiting, why death occurs to so many young people and then I realize...I am not supposed to understand. If I did, I wouldn't need God.
I can't wait to catch up with you soon!
Ladies,
Thank you all for you kind words. Sometimes putting things like this is scary. You just never know how people will react.
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