two years ago, this weekend

It was two years ago this weekend that we became parents. It was the Friday before Christmas, December 21, 2007. So, the actual 'anniversary' won't be until Monday, but there is just something special about the weekend before Christmas to me.

We had waited 11 long days, from the time we learned about our sweet boy, until he came home. (which, I know isn't bad for adoption, but it felt like an eternity.) We made phone calls, went shopping, smiled, laughed & cried. I could hardly sleep from excitement.

Our trip to get Nathan was a short one, only an hour away to the agency. I think we left extra early just in case. We sat at a McDonald's, down the the street and sipped coffee. A friend sent me text messages to make me smile and help calm me down.

Once we got to the agency, there was paperwork to be signed. Honestly, I don't think I even read a piece of it. I just wanted all the red tape out of the way. Bad, I know but I'm just being honest here.

Then got to meet Nathan's first (birth) mom and her two boys. We visited for what I think was about an hour. Nathan's birth family is just awesome. I fell in love with them during that brief visit.

The the interim family arrived and I laid eyes on my son for first time. I was frozen. Mike had to tell me that it was okay to go get him. I wanted to cry, but was so in shock that I just smiled and rocked him. I had wanted to become a mama for as long as I could remember. In a moment, it had happened. This boy stole my heart and I knew I would never get it back, nor did I want it back. There was a part of me that knew that his first mama still had time to change her mind. I'll admit, that is a terrifying thought for purely selfish reasons.

Our visit lasted maybe another hour. Then the social worker said a prayer over everyone in Nathan's little life and we went our separate ways. Mike strapped Nathan into his carseat for the first time, and we were on our way home, as a family.

I sat in the back seat, just be as close to him as possible. I remember rubbing his sweet chubby cheeks and listening to him coo and breathe.

That first weekend was so surreal to me. Feeding him, changing his diaper, napping with him. The things you grow to take for granted and just do.

This song comes very close to summing up how I felt that weekend. I heard it this morning, and just started crying. I remember laying awake in the middle of the night, listening to him breathe in the bassinet next to the bed. I just couldn't get enough of him.

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I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing